My valentine

i guess you will be my valentine
just like 1 year ago
i thought we'll be there for each other as always
as the last 2 years
but then i realized i was wrong
it just couldn't be the way i wanted it to be
i am enough of being hurt i guess
for your emotional temperament
for your eyes to just can't get off of other girls
for your took-me-high-but-then-dropped-me-to-the-lowest-ground, as always
thus you are enough with my temper too
for my sarcastic words
for i am being so stubborn
for i just don't wanna hear anyone's opinion

after the big tragedy that happened yesterday
and our long talks on the phone
you just didn't want to make any decision
you threw it all to me
i didn't know was it because you just don't want to care anymore about me so that you threw all the problems to me to solve or was it because you care so deeply much about me and just like what you said yesterday "if you want to make a decision, don't think what's best for me, even for your family. just think about what's best for you."
well it's kinda heartbreaking you know. cause in the end i said that, me and him should be separated and keep the distance..
i explained him that i believe he will be okay in his own way and me either, in my own way. i told him that if he doesn't agree then he can freely say that he is not, but he kept on saying that "you make the decision. i don't have any rights to ask anything from you anymore."
of course you fucking have stupidddd.

we've been together for almost 2 years, though we're not always in a relationship just like now. but we always keep in contact with each other and all that we do everyday is talking like lovers.
we both know that we don't need any labels for our condition
i don't need it, really.
all that matters is as long as we're still together and be happy all the time, being concerned with each other, seeing each other for about 3 times every week(haha this is what we mostly do), giving each other kisses and hugs, having lunch, dinner, watching dvds together, and whatever else.. then it's all right!

i don't know if i can say that i'm still in love with you.
but with all that we've had, all the problems that solved.. all the endless happiness-es..
it is still love, i guess.
sorry for not saying it for a long time.
since our last broke-up, maybe? well that's 7 months already
and thank you for saying it to me
and calling me "sayang..."
and though i'm not saying it today to you, but i do believe that you can feel it; happy valentine's day baby..
you know i love you the most.
:-)

"i know that i've always been happy with you..."

Now I'm listening to brightest by copeland.
It just feels so good to have someone that will accept you the way you are, no matter how bad or worse and worst you are, don't it?
No matter how bad the condition is, no matter how wealth-less you are.
No matter how uncontrollable you are.
No matter you are pretty or aren't that pretty.
I just wondered if only I'm not the way I am & I were, would somebody love me?

are you mine, are you mine?
cause i stay here all the time

//lily allen's who'd have known

You're not going to love someone as much as you love me, do you?

1 in the morning

I suddenly felt weird and don't know what's so wrong with me and becoming a sensitive person at this very moment. I don't even know why I'm becoming such a cry-baby but all I know is I miss someone to hold. No it's not because my life isn't happy nor not-enjoyable but because I don't have my someone special since a long time ago. Not 'that' long, well it's about 6 months since I last broke up. I did love my (ex)boyf and I was really sad when we broke up, but not too long after that I can forget it and stand for my own self and became stronger than ever. I'm good with this life, I love my life. I am surrounded by such adorable living creatures. I have my parents, my little brother(that gets me upset sometimes but well that's alright haha) and I have my amazing friends. But back then, I still have no someone special. Someone I can hug anytime I want, I can kiss and hold on to. It doesn't mean that I'm so desperately searching for boyfriend(and I'm not that kind of desperate girl, fyi) but this time I must admit that I do really miss having a boy.. It's like missing a place that never even existed.. Ha random. Well I still can't find that right person to be someone special.

Anyway this is my 2nd post ever since I made a blogger acc on 2008. I deleted the 1st post cause it's just way unimportant haha